You never expect it when it hits. It’s like an icy blade, stabbing at you from the dark recesses of the night. And like a freight train, it hits. The loss, the mourning. In your mind you know that days, weeks, possibly years from now you will look back at what was, and what should have been, and it will be a fond memory. But for now, here, alone in this dark place, all you feel is the emptiness. The emptiness, and the raw, burning hatred of those who took away your innocence.

It is thus that I open this, the Week That Was. As follows:

MOVERS AND SHAKERS: Not the Kind With Furniture
The air was still and dank. There is a smell, a sulphurous smell, a pollution that snakes its insidious fingers into the very aspect of the world around. A stillness has gripped the heart of the league…a melancholy. Good has lost, and in its place evil reigns.

There were no trades this week.

TOP PERFORMERS
A black beast, its heart pumping a vile, boiling pitch, its breath a fire and flame that burns with the stink of the damned. It has stalked the countryside, ravaging the helpless; tearing the suckling babe from its mother’s breast to burn it on the spit of its flaming tounge. It has lain in the dark, working its evil weird; waiting—ever waiting—for a time when good men sleep, when the silver swords of mercy and purity are dormant, that its evil plans may yet bear putrid fruit.

Josh had a good week.

TOP PERFORMERS: At Sucking
My team, my valiant knights, have fought the good fight; they have carried the standard for all that is just and pure–and failed. A once noble band of stalwarts, they have been reduced, brought to their knees by the whims of cruel fate. Nevermore shall their lips taste the sweet succor of victory. Nevermore shall they wear the laurels of the triumphant. They are the vanquished, the dirty rabble, felled from their lofty perch down to the depths, the very depths to which they had forced their evil foes.

My team had a very poor week.

BASEBALL, RAY
A shaft of pure light has split the heavens. A sound, the chorus of angels, plays upon the sweet-scented breeze. The Cubs have taken two from the Cardinals. And though terror, death, rape and pillage all rule the land, this is a sign. Good will triumph. Evil will not endure. The Giant’s win streak has ended.

FIN

And that…was The Week That Was.